Disclaimer: This may or may not be considered a rant.
Most days of the week, I workout by myself.
In my basement.
Just me and my iPod.
Sometimes my sister, Lil’Nic, comes over, but she’s too tall to workout in the basement. Yes, my younger sister is taller than me. Five inches taller if you want to be exact.
Sometimes I go to Crossfit H2O. I need to go more often, but you’ll hear more about this later.
Working out alone lends itself to the following things:
- Me working on things I like to work on (like power cleaning and squatting) and not working on things I don’t like (aka pullups, thrusters, dips, running, double unders…).
- Me not getting better at the things I don’t like.
- Me being knocked off my high horse when I actually go to class and have to do those things I don’t like.
Where is all of this coming from, you ask?
Well, it’s coming from Frun.
400m, 21 Thrusters, 21 pullups
300m, 15 Thrusters, 15 pullups
200m, 9 Thrusters, 9 pullups
(we ended up subbing 60, 45 and 30 double unders for the running because it was raining. It should have been called “Frunder”)
This week, after my office hours at H2O, I stayed for class like I do every first Tuesday of the month.
Only this time, instead of looking forward to the workout all day, I was actually nervous about it all day. Like rock in my throat nervous. Hole in my stomach nervous. High school track race performance anxiety nervous.
Because I never practice pullups or thrusters.
My excuses are as follows:
- They’re both hard.
- Until a few weeks ago, I didn’t have my own pullup bar.
- I’m afraid of thrusters because the last time I did them I knocked myself so hard in the chin that my tongue bled.
Anyway. I stayed after class to do the workout that I was dreading.
The following things went wrong (WARNING: this is where I start whining):
- I picked a rope that was too short. I didn’t bother to familiarize myself with the rope lengths before I started. I chose the shortest length, thinking that I was probably the shortest type of person. I was wrong. I started with double unders, but quickly realized it wasn’t going to go well. So I did the unthinkable: I switched mid-WOD to singles. I didn’t feel like stopping to get a different rope, so I just switched to singles. You’re not supposed to do that. You’re supposed to stick with your scaling.
- Thrusters were actually okay. They got heavy, yes, but they ended up being the best part of the WOD. And I didn’t hit myself in the face.
- Pullups. Stunk. I used a blue band. I’m okay at kipping pullups, but I only do them if there are less than 15 in a round in a WOD (ex. Helen). Even though I used a band, I ended up kipping a lot of them. I was too impatient to do them all dead hang. If I had been more patient, and forced myself to do them correctly, it would have taken longer…and I was not in the mood for it to take longer.
Blah, blah, blah. Whine, complain, blah.
This experience made me think of this post I read a while ago on Clothes Make the Girl. Dear Ego: Shut Up.
To quote Melicious:
I got all caught up on shoulds and coulds and wishes instead of remaining present and keeping my focus on the challenges in my hands and under my feet.
I wish I had picked a longer rope.
I should have been able to do double unders.
I should have been patient with the pullups.
I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself after the workout.
It was a realization that I need to workout with people more.
And to challenge myself to do things I’m not good at.
Blah, blah, blah. Whine, complain, blah.
The worst part is that I didn’t even write my time up on the whiteboard.
I kind of forgot, but I also kind of didn’t want to. I think the not wanting to made me forget.
It’s not because I was competing with the others in the class. It’s because I was competing with the version of myself I thought I should have been.
I wallowed for 20 minutes on the walk home. Letting my mind fill with poison thoughts like “pullups would be easier if I lost some weight.” Then I snapped out of it.
Well, M snapped me out of it. “It’s just a workout,” he said.
So, instead of continuing to be mad at myself, I made a list of movements to work on.
My goal is to work one of these movements every time I work out.
- Double unders
I’m actually excited to implement my plan.
Oh, and I’m going to workout with people more. And stop being so hard on myself.
There are many factors that influence that moment-in time capability – sleep, nutrition, hormones, humidity – and the biggie: our attitude and belief in our abilities. Those things all add up to define us in that moment. On any day, we are what we are. Complaining about it or fighting it or wishing it to be different is futile. —Melicious
Here is what I should have written on that whiteboard:
Allison/singles, 65#, blue band– 11:58
The End. Rant complete.