I got sick last weekend.
My typical head cold.
It starts with a tickle in my soft palate.
Then it moves to my nose and sinuses.
Hangs out there a few days.
I spent all of Sunday and most of Monday on the couch
Re-watching Gossip Girl.
and feeling very sorry for myself.
I felt good about Sunday: my body needed rest. It was nice to allow myself to listen to my body and take some time off from the go, go, go.
By Monday afternoon, I was frustrated.
Almost angry at myself for not feeling better.
I may or may not have thrown a snot-nosed tantrum.
I was angry that I still didn’t feel good enough to get quality work done.
I was angry that I had to take ANOTHER day off from the gym.
Not getting to workout is what bothered me the most.
I kept dwelling on how I was losing fitness.
How everything I’ve worked so hard for is slipping away.
And at that point, I had only taken two days off.
What the frick is wrong with me?
I do a really good job of being forgiving of myself when I’m healthy.
But I have a hard time treating myself with love and respect when I’m sick.
Which is totally backwards.
Because that’s when I need to be caring for myself the most: when I need healing.
Why is it that when I’m sick, I think it’s my fault?
That I get mad at myself.
That I get frustrated.
And become so unforgiving.
I’ve become very good at being forgiving of my brain when it comes to unhealthy thoughts about food.
But I’m not very forgiving of my physical body when it “betrays” me by getting sick.
Getting angry is unproductive.
You can’t force yourself to heal.
Getting a cold is not my fault.
When you’re sick, your body needs you to be kind.
To take time.